Chris Ainsworth – SEO Consultant

I had this new girl over for dinner the other night and although it was only a first date she seemed strangely more interested in my cookware than she was in anything else, which initially I found quite insulting, obviously later I found out she was a cook so it all made sense.

For those of you who know me you will know I am quite a ‘green’ person and like to do my bit for the environment. This year I am considering sending out Christmas ecards rather than standard Christmas cards. But are these really more environmentally friendly?

On first thought you may think ecards are more environmentally friendly as for starter they are electronic so no cardboard needed. No packaging is needed and no courier is used to transport the card! Perfect hey?

I guess I had it fairly easy when I was younger, my parents were fairly sensible when they looked through the book of baby names, I didn’t get called Tigerlilly, Princess, Apple, Peaches, Paris or any one of a hundred other stupid baby names, no I just got called Chris.

Everyone seems to come up with crazy baby names for their children these days, it seemed to start out as a celebrity fad and now everyone is following suit to make themselves seem a bit more stylish and classy, except there is one problem, it doesn’t really work.

Being a highly trained SEO specialist can be a lonely business. But at some point we meet our perfect SEO other half, try out some highly ranked positions with them in the sack – and then get married. But what kind of wedding venues would a pair of loved up SEO specials consider? The choice is great.

It’s Christmas time again (it happens pretty much every year these days), and all of us, if we have kids, will be wondering what gifts to buy them so that they have the best chance of becoming an SEO specialist when they grow up. It’s the best job in the world and in this piece we’ll look at a few important educational toys to give the SEO nipper in your life.

1. A Globe. This educational toy will help your little SEO specialist identify the different SEO markets in the world. If you’re reading this, then you’ll only need him or her to know where the USA,UK, Canada and Australia is (because you speak English). New Zealand is too small for anyone to care about.

No one has photo books or albums anymore, everything is stored on discs and SD cards, entire albums containing holiday memories, wedding snaps and births can be stored on something as small as your finger nail.

I had a quick flick through an old photo book the other day and it was strange how with every turn of the page, distant memories came flooding back. It was refreshing, some happy times, some not so happy.

I’m not really into gimmicks, but when I discovered photo books I changed my mind somewhat. As an SEO specialists there are those magic moments when you get a website to position one, and you don’t even know how you did it. In the interests of posterity, I like to take screenshots of these success stories – because otherwise I’d forget.

I used to get all these screenshots printed out onto glossy paper and then put them in a lovely SEO album. But as soon as I discovered photo books, I thought; “Oh, hang on a minute I can just put these screen shots into one handy book.”

Corporate events that spring up around Christmas time are always great. Corporate events that spring up around Christmas time always feature lots of alcohol.

I don’t know if there’s a direct causal relationship, or if it’s merely a correlation, but I know exactly why alcohol needs to be involved, as our last work corporate event fulfilled its purpose, I feel.

I’m still not exactly sure of the purpose of these events, but I assume it’s something along the lines of streamlining the workforce, and improving office dynamics.

I’ve always thought it was weird that champagne was called champagne – because it turns out that is the same name as the place in France where they make it. How weird is that?

It is pretty impressive I think that they managed to make sparkling wine way back in the days of Louis XIV. This is true. By using a secondary fermentation process, those cheeky little Frenchies managed to put little bubbles in their cheap white plonk. As anyone who is expert at getting criminally pissed knows, those little froggy bubbles help you get wasted a lot quicker. And when you’re paying £40 for a bottle of plonk, you need to know it’s going to work.